Anxiety is excitement without a full, trusting breath
Fritz Perls' wisdom and the power of trust can transform your leadership under pressure.
👋 Hey, it’s Stephane. I share lessons, and stories from my journey to help you lead with confidence as an Engineering Manager. To accelerate your growth see: 50 Notion Templates | The EM’s Field Guide | CodeCrafters | Get Hired as an EM | 1:1 Coaching
Paid subscribers get 50 Notion Templates, The EM’s Field Guide, and access to the complete archive. Subscribe now.
A colleague mentioned this quote to me last week, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.
Anxiety is excitement without a full, trusting breath
The quote comes from Fritz Perls, a rebellious psychiatrist who founded Gestalt therapy in the 1940s. He spent his career challenging people to stay present with their emotions rather than intellectualising them away. He believed that most of our suffering comes from resisting what we’re actually feeling, and that anxiety is just excitement that we’ve strangled with shallow breathing and fear.
He’d often demonstrate this in his therapy sessions, getting clients to breathe fully into their anxiety until it transformed into something more energetic.
It turns out your body literally can’t tell the difference between anxiety and excitement.
The Science
Here’s what blew my mind: anxiety and excitement trigger the exact same physiological response. Same adrenaline dump. Same elevated heart rate. Same sweaty palms. Your brain receives identical signals from your body in both states.
The difference between them is the story you tell yourself about those signals.
That flutter in your chest before a first date feels remarkably similar to the one before a difficult performance review conversation. Yet one we welcome, and the other we dread. Modern neuroscience backs this up.. brain scans show identical activation patterns for both emotions.
This isn’t some feel-good pseudo-science. It’s hardwired human biology.
When you’re about to present a new proposal to leadership and your brain screams “What if I mess up?”, your pounding heart gets labeled as anxiety. But flip the script to “This is my chance to shine!” and suddenly that same racing pulse becomes rocket fuel for an outstanding presentation.
Two engineering managers facing identical deadlines. One spirals into visible panic, micromanaging everything. The other channels that same energy into focused momentum. Guess whose team is more likely to succeed?
Breathe
When we’re stressed, we unconsciously hold our breath or breathe shallowly. This actually amplifies panic. It’s your body’s ancient response to danger.
Navy SEALs don’t use box breathing because it sounds cool. They use it because it works.
Try this right now:
Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds
Hold for 4 seconds
Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds
Hold for 4 seconds
Repeat this cycle a few times.
That longer exhale is crucial. It activates your vagus nerve, literally telling your nervous system to chill out. Studies show this can drop cortisol levels and improve decision-making within minutes.
Trust
You can’t transform anxiety into excitement if you don’t trust yourself to handle whatever comes next. And you definitely can’t do it if you don’t trust your team.
Trust is the bridge between fear and excitement. When you trust your abilities, that pre-presentation flutter becomes anticipation of showing your best work. When you trust your team, a production crisis becomes an opportunity to see everyone at their finest.
Without trust, deep breathing just makes you a calm person who’s still terrified.
Reframe
People tell you to “calm down” when your body is flooded with adrenaline.
Instead, lean into the arousal state. Harvard researcher Alison Wood Brooks discovered that saying “I am excited” before stressful tasks consistently outperforms trying to calm down. In her studies, people who reframed anxiety as excitement showed measurably better performance in public speaking, math tests, and even karaoke.
You need to work with your body’s activation, not against it.
Before big presentations, I don’t pretend I’m not nervous. Instead, I acknowledge it: “Yeah, I’m feeling it. That’s because this matters. Let’s use that energy to build something incredible.”
Body language
Leadership isn’t just what you say, it’s how you physically show up. Your team is constantly reading your non-verbal cues, often unconsciously.
I am not suggesting faking confidence. But instead physically ground yourself so your body stops sending panic signals to your brain (and everyone else’s). A simple technique:
The 30-second reset:
Plant both feet firmly on the floor
Roll shoulders back and down
Take three deep belly breaths
Unclench your jaw (you’re probably clenching right now)
Your team’s energy
I’ve seen anxiety cascade through an engineering org like a virus. One panicked manager starts catastrophising about deadlines. Within days, the entire team is in fight-or-flight mode.
Excitement spreads quickly.
You (and I) need to be leading through excitement not managing through fear.
Practical strategies
Enough theory. I’ve created a bit of a plan for us to follow:
Before high-stakes moments: Create a pre-game ritual. Mine is two “physiological sighs” (double inhale through the nose, long exhale through the mouth) before any big meeting.
During crisis: Name it and reframe it out loud: “I’m feeling the adrenaline, that means we’re about to do something that matters”. Your team needs to hear you acknowledge reality while pivoting to excitement.
For your team: Never dump raw anxiety on your team. Transform “This big customer will leave if we fail!” into “This big customer is important to us, what do we need to nail this project?” Same urgency, completely different energy.
Build trust systematically:
Celebrate small wins publicly to build confidence
Share your own mistakes and learnings openly
Give your team ownership over meaningful decisions
Follow through on every commitment, no matter how small
Daily maintenance: You can’t pour from an empty cup. Basic self-care isn’t optional when you’re responsible for others. Sleep, exercise, and mindfulness aren’t luxuries - prioritise them.
Final thoughts
Next time you feel that familiar flutter before a big moment, don’t fight it. Take a deep breath, tell yourself you’re excited, and watch how the same physiological response that used to undermine you becomes your best ally.
Your body is already primed for peak performance. You just need to give it the right story.
A huge thank you to my colleague who shared this quote with me last week. That simple sentence sparked a week of research, reflection, and ultimately this post. This is why I love working with brilliant people who make me think differently about everything.
Now go build something amazing.
See you in the next one,
~ Stephane