Engineering Managers are not Psychologists

But they have more in common than you might think.

👋 Hey, it’s Stephane. I share lessons, and stories from my journey to help you lead with confidence as an Engineering Manager. To accelerate your growth see: 50 Notion Templates | The EM’s Field Guide | CodeCrafters | Get Hired as an EM | 1:1 Coaching

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As an engineering manager your responsibility is that your teams deliver on time, high quality projects that positively contribute to the company's goals. But in order to do this well your number one priority is the people.

People in your team need to be motivated, working well individually but also as a unit.

People in your team also have dreams and aspirations, and it’s your job to support them in achieving them.

Sometimes they are frustrated, stressed, sad, jealous, self-critical, scared, or feel rejected.

These are all emotions that can prohibit people from being able to be their do their best work.

It turns out, this has a lot in common with psychology.

1. Understanding Behavior and Motivation

Psychologists study human behavior to understand why people do what they do. Engineering managers do the same thing, just in a workplace setting.

You’ve probably noticed that different engineers are motivated by different things. Some want interesting problems to solve. Others care more about career growth, while some just want to work in a drama-free environment.

If you don’t understand what drives each person on your team, it’s easy to make mistakes. Maybe you assume an engineer isn’t interested in a leadership role, when in reality, they just weren’t given the right opportunity. Or maybe you push someone to take on a tough project, thinking they’ll be excited, but instead, they feel overwhelmed and shut down.

What you can do:

• Ask, don’t assume. Have one-on-one meetings where you ask engineers what excites them, what drains them, and what they want out of their careers.

• Look for patterns. Pay attention to how people react to different types of work, feedback, and team dynamics. Over time, you’ll start seeing what helps or hurts their motivation.

• Adapt your approach. A one-size-fits-all management style doesn’t work. Some engineers need more structure; others thrive with freedom. Adjust how you manage based on what each person needs.

2. Handling Stress and Burnout

Psychologists help people manage stress, and so do engineering managers, whether they realize it or not.

The work is demanding, and burnout is a real risk. Long hours, high expectations, and constant pressure to deliver can take a toll on even the most motivated engineers.

You might notice signs of burnout before the engineer does. Maybe they used to be excited about solving tough problems, but now they seem frustrated or checked out. Maybe their code quality has dropped, or they’re missing deadlines when they never used to.

What you can do:

• Pay attention to changes. If an engineer’s behavior shifts suddenly, there’s usually a reason.

• Encourage breaks. Engineers who feel guilty about taking time off are often the ones who need it most.

• Protect them from unnecessary stress. Not all deadlines are real. If leadership is pushing for an unrealistic timeline, push back. Shielding your team from unnecessary chaos is a core part of your job.

3. Conflict Resolution

Psychologists help people navigate conflicts, and as an engineering manager, you do too.

Maybe two engineers have different opinions on how to design a system. Or maybe someone feels like their ideas aren’t being heard. If conflicts go unaddressed, they can turn into bigger problems like resentment, low morale, or even people quitting.

What you can do:

• Create a culture where it’s safe to speak up. If engineers feel like they’ll be punished for voicing concerns, they’ll stay silent until they leave.

• Step in before things escalate. If you notice tension between team members, don’t wait for it to explode. Have a conversation early to understand what’s going on.

• Help people see the bigger picture. Many conflicts happen because people are focused on their own perspectives. Remind them of shared goals and encourage collaboration.

4. Building Trust and Emotional Safety

A good psychologist makes people feel heard and understood. Engineering managers should do the same.

If your team trusts you, they’ll come to you with problems instead of hiding them. They’ll admit when they made a mistake instead of covering it up. And they’ll feel safe enough to suggest bold ideas, knowing they won’t be shut down.

What you can do:

• Be honest and transparent. If your team feels like you’re hiding things from them, they won’t trust you.

• Listen more than you talk. Sometimes, people don’t need a solution right away, they just need to know someone cares.

• Own your mistakes. If you mess up, admit it. This sets the tone for the whole team.

Final thoughts

You didn’t sign up to be a psychologist, but in many ways, your job overlaps with theirs. Managing engineers isn’t just about writing performance reviews, running stand-ups, or handling boring paperwork. You need to understand people, help them stay engaged, and create an environment where they can do their best work.

You don’t need a degree in psychology to be a great engineering manager. But if you take the time to understand what makes people tick, you’ll build a stronger, happier, and more effective team.

That’s all, folks!

See you in the next one,
~ Stephane

PS. This is a great post by atlassian on motivation theory to inspire your team’s best work that I highly recommend.