👋 Hey, it’s Stephane. I share lessons, and stories from my journey to help you lead with confidence as an Engineering Manager. To accelerate your growth see: 50 Notion Templates | The EM’s Field Guide | CodeCrafters | Get Hired as an EM | 1:1 Coaching
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I feel very vulnerable writing this post. I am certainly not an expert in the subject and I want to learn more about it. If something in this post is not quite right, I would really appreciate you educating me.
I’ll be honest: when I first became an Engineering Manager, I knew almost nothing about autism. Like many in tech leadership, I had worked with different types of people but I had no real knowledge about neurodiversity.
Today, after managing teams with several engineers on the spectrum and learning from both successes and mistakes, I want to share what I’ve discovered. I’m still learning (autism is incredibly diverse, and every person I work with teaches me something new about it, which I am really grateful for). But I’ve seen firsthand the difference between understanding and supporting team members with autism and not doing that.
My wake-up call
Six years ago, one of my most talented engineers, let’s call him Alex, was struggling. Technically he was excellent, but he seemed increasingly frustrated over time, his productivity was declining, and I could sense he was burning out.
During our one-on-one, Alex shared that he was autistic and had been masking heavily at work.
The open office noise was overwhelming (yes, that was before COVID). The constant interruptions were getting in the way of his deep focus. Some ambiguous feedback I had given him had caused real damage and created anxiety because he didn’t know exactly what success looked like.
The vulnerability he showed in that conversation and what he shared with me was my wake-up call. I realised I’d been managing Alex, and likely others, in ways that made their work harder, not easier. The problem wasn’t Alex’s capabilities at all; it was my lack of understanding about how different brains work.
What I’ve learned about autism
Before I share what I’ve observed, I want to be clear: I’m not a medical professional, and autism manifests differently in every individual. What I’m sharing comes from the research I’ve done to become a better manager.
Autism is a neurological difference that affects how people process information, communicate, and experience the world around them. It’s called a “spectrum” because it presents so differently from person to person.
What autism is NOT:
It’s not a lack of empathy. Many people with autism feel emotions deeply but might express or recognise them differently. It’s not an inability to learn social skills, it’s processing social information differently.
Most importantly, autism isn’t something that needs to be “fixed”. It’s a different way of thinking that, when supported properly, brings immense value to teams.
Creating environments where everyone can thrive
After the conversation I had with Alex, I started paying attention to our work environment through a different lens. Our open office, which I thought was “collaborative” was actually a sensory assault for some team members. The constant buzz of conversations, keyboard clicks, and phone calls of the sales team next to us was creating stress for anyone sensitive to noise.
Small changes:
We introduced quiet hours from 9-11 AM where non-urgent conversations moved to Slack. We got noise-canceling headphones for anyone who wanted them (turns out, lots of neurotypical team members appreciated them too). We arranged a small, quiet room with adjustable lighting that anyone could book for focused work.
These weren’t expensive accommodations, they were improvements that benefited our entire team. Our overall productivity increased, and several team members mentioned feeling less stressed during the day.
Remote work:
The shift to remote work during the pandemic was particularly revealing. Several of my team members, including one I didn’t know had autism, absolutely thrived. Without commute stress, sensory overload, and forced social interactions, their productivity increased dramatically.
Relearning how to communicate clearly
In the past I used to rely heavily on implied meaning and context clues. I am surely guilty of sending confusing mixed messages to team members who process language more literally.
Direct communication:
Instead of saying “It would be great if we could do X” and expect someone to act on it, I learned to be more explicit:
Could you please do X by Friday?
Instead of “Let’s meet about X tomorrow” I make it specific:
I’d like to review X. Can we schedule 30 minutes tomorrow to discuss this and that part of the project?
This change toward directness improved communication across my entire team. Suddenly, everyone knew exactly what I was looking for, when things were due, and how success would be measured.
Meetings:
I started sending agendas in advance. Many people still don’t do that. This sort of thing makes meetings more productive and accommodates well for neurodiversity (sometimes I fail at it but I try to stick to this rule).
I began following up verbal discussions with written summaries. I stopped filling every silence with small talk and learned to give people processing time. I think I might be a bit too comfortable now with what some people could consider “awkward silence”.
I strongly believe that these changes made me a better manager for everyone.
Rethinking performance and feedback
Good performance reviews have a big focus on soft skills on top of technical skills.
Focus on outcomes, not process:
I’ve learned to evaluate what people produce, not my ideal way of how it is produced. If someone delivers projects on time and with high quality but doesn’t like presenting in wider forums, that’s success. If someone contributes valuable insights in Slack rather than speaking up in meetings, that’s participation.
Specific feedback:
Instead of “You need to be more collaborative” I try to say provide specific expectations like: “Please comment on pull requests within 24 hours and ask questions in #engineering-help when you’re blocked for more than 2 hours”.
SBIE really helps here in sharing feedback.
What I’m still learning
Managing members with autism has been one of the most educational aspects of my leadership journey, but I’m nowhere near done learning. Every person is different. Accommodations that work perfectly for one person might not help another at all.
Autism is a spectrum for a reason. Some are extroverted and love collaborative brainstorming. Others prefer written communication and independent work. Some struggle with ambiguity; others thrive in exploratory projects. I’ve learned not to make assumptions.
Self-advocacy takes courage. Not everyone feels comfortable requesting accommodations or sharing their diagnosis. I’ve tried to create an environment where asking for what you need feels safe, but I know I still have work to do here.
Intersectionality. Women with autism face different challenges than men. Team members who are both autistic and from underrepresented backgrounds navigate additional complexity. I’m learning to consider these intersections.
The business case writes itself
The productivity gains I’ve seen aren’t just anecdotal, they’re measurable. Teams with autistic members at major tech companies show 16-56% improvements in quality metrics. The retention rates improve dramatically when leaders focus on inclusion.
But honestly, the business case isn’t why this matters to me. It matters because I’ve watched brilliant engineers flourish when they don’t have to constantly fight their environment. I’ve seen the relief in someone’s eyes when they realise they can be themselves at work. I’ve experienced how much better our team dynamics become when everyone feels valued for their unique contributions.
The journey continues
Almost a decade into this journey, I’m struck by how much supporting diverse people has made me a better manager overall. The communication skills, and environmental awareness I have gained benefit everyone on my team.
I’m still learning, still making mistakes, and still discovering new ways to create inclusive environments. I am lucky to work with people who continue to teach me, challenge my assumptions, and push our team to be better.
The tech industry talks a lot about innovation and diverse thinking, but we often exclude the very minds that could drive breakthrough solutions. As managers, we have the power to change that.
That’s all, folks!
See you in the next one,
~ Stephane