Your "Open Door" policy is pretty useless

And probably promotes the opposite of what you think.

👋 Hey, it’s Stephane. I share lessons, and stories from my journey to help you lead with confidence as an Engineering Manager. To accelerate your growth see: 50 Notion Templates | The EM’s Field Guide | CodeCrafters | Get Hired as an EM | 1:1 Coaching

Paid subscribers get 50 Notion Templates, The EM’s Field Guide, and access to the complete archive. Subscribe now.

Let’s be honest: You probably think you’re being helpful when you say, “Anyone can come talk to me. I’m always open to feedback.”

But I need to tell you.. that’s not working.

It sounds good. It feels generous. But it’s doing a lot less than you think.

Let me walk you through why.

Kodus (sponsored)

Your AI writes code. But who makes sure it’s ready for production?

Kodus offers a code review agent that learns your team’s patterns, architecture and product logic.

Kody reviews every PR in your Git workflow - ensuring quality, security and performance before the merge.

• Create rules that reflect your team’s coding standards and let Kody enforce them automatically.

• Automatically track suggestions your team didn’t apply so you can review, prioritize and resolve pending improvements before they cause problems.

• Seamlessly integrated into your Git workflow, providing clear, automated feedback where the work happens.

• Kody learns from your feedback to refine suggestions and match your team’s preferences.

• Open source, ready to run in your own environment

Thanks to Kodus for sponsoring this newsletter!

So let’s go back to that “open door”.

You’re working on an initiative with another EM. You’re excited about it. Maybe you’ve even mentioned that you’re happy to hear ideas from the team.

And you mean it. You really do.

But then… nothing. Crickets.

You start thinking:
“I said I was open to input. No one came to me. I guess they’re not that interested.”

The reality: they didn’t come to you because your door’s not really open.

You’re making them having to do the work

Put yourself in their shoes.

If someone on your team wants to speak up, here’s what they have to do:

• Make sure their idea is “good enough” to be worth your time

• Try and find some time to schedule a meeting on your impossible calendar

• Hope the timing’s right and you’re not in decision-mode already

• Risk looking like they’re stepping on your toes

That’s a lot of effort just to give input.

You might not see that - but they feel it.

And if they don’t push through all of that, you tell yourself: “Well, they could’ve talked to me if they really wanted to.”

Does that actually feel fair?

Want input? Go get it!

If you really want their thoughts, if you want them involved, then it’s on you to pull that input out.

Not wait for it. Not hope it shows up.

Pull it.

That means:

• You ping them directly: “Hey, I’m working on X - mind giving me your advice?”

• You message in the team’s slack channel: “Here’s the current plan. What’s missing? Please tell me what I’m not seeing.”

• You send a short Loom or message: “Here’s what I’m planning. I would love to hear your thoughts?”

No friction. No pressure.

Just you making it really easy for them to care.

The power dynamic is real

You might think you’re approachable. You might even feel like you’re just another voice in the room.

But you’re not.

You’re the manager. Or the staff engineer. Or the product manager.

Your role changes the vibe.
People filter what they say around you. They hesitate. They don’t want to sound critical or naive or wrong.

So when you say “come talk to me”, it doesn’t land the way you think.

If you want honest input, you’ve got to go first.

Stop saying “my door is always open”

Instead, try this:

• “I’m trying to improve this - would love your eyes on it.”

• “You’ve got context on this that I don’t. Can we chat for 10 minutes?”

• “I’ve asked a couple other folks for feedback. Want to be the third?”

That’s not passive. That’s you inviting them in - clearly, personally, and with intent.

You’re not “available.”
You’re asking. You’re listening. You’re showing that their voice matters.

If you want help, go get it.

If you want feedback, make it safe.

If you want the team to care, you have to show that you care first.

That’s all, folks!

See you in the next one,
~ Stephane

PS. Roses are red, errors are blue…